The female entrepreneur and the search for rolemodels

The number of female entrepreneurs and female leaders is growing. Sure, it is, and it is a good sign. But if the numbers are growing, there must also be more successful female entrepreneurs. Still I do not read much about these successful women, also not about what women reach the top in organizations or any other field. Do I look in the wrong places for information? 

While there are tons of women empowerment and entrepreneurship organizations. “You complain!”, some say. Perhaps I do, but where to look for more role models if I don’t see them, clearly visible everywhere? I know what male entrepreneurs and leaders are interesting to follow and I follow them. Lists of them appear everywhere. I cannot say it is an obsession yet, but certainly a fascination to study what these people do and how they do it. And I learn from them in my own way, apply some things in my own way. 

Things I heard: “Women don’t know how to sell. Women are not bold enough. Women just care about family more.” And the last line made me thinking. Should we be wanting more women leaders and CEOs if there are women who wish to care for their family? Should we have peace with that? I don’t know. Or are women just not taken very seriously when they pose they want to reach the top and then settle for other things? 

Many thoughts. I read, I learn, I meet people, ask for their experiences, I find out some things myself, but a little wiser every day. (Picture appeared in February 2014)

"I am not a rapist"

I did not bring up this topic yet, but this is what must be in many Indian guys' mind, even so many of my very sweet Indian guy friends. There is a problem, a huge problem, in India with men, the mentality towards women and rape cases, but this does not mean that all guys are rapists and also not that all guys have a bad mentality towards women. 

A Dutch girl told me last year: “I would never want to be with an Indian man, they don’t have respect for a woman, that is what is shown in the news”. A male colleague once said: “No I don’t want to go to India, their mentality is not good, I want to protect my girlfriend”. And recently someone else mentioned: “Well you are brave you can still go to India.” 

While I on one hand thought it is good, a bad publicity, now policy makers and others in India will be forced to do something about certain situations. But I also feel that the picture of India, especially of Indian guys, that is being created in some people’s mind, is disturbing. Should all now be afraid of any Indian guy, start denying them a place for internships? When seeing him think: “He can be a rapist.” I won’t talk good that there is not a problem and there should be no change within India. I am Indian and I have the right to criticize my country and its people. But also when criticizing, realize what you are criticizing and how facts may have been portrayed in a certain way to make you think in a certain way. And together with many women demonstrating, there have been so many Indian men demonstrating and speaking against sexual abuse that is happening. 

All in all, negative publicity can trigger change within a country, but the negative publicity should not be pushed to such an extent that the real cause we are fighting for (and rape is happening in every corner of the world) is forgotten and we use it in a way to generalize and discriminate.

Yoga - It is not just laying your legs in your neck! - Misconceptions..

"Oh you do yoga every day?.. I can't do that, I am not a sporty person and I can't lay my legs in my neck.. You must be able to bend yourself in different ways!.. Oh yoga, you do that? How exciting!" "But I want to know what type of yoga you do, so I know if it is the same"

People! Listen! Stop these type of comments! Sometimes I feel there are some misconceptions about yoga. Yoga is not standing on your head or bend yourself in different ways. Yes, there is a lot of bending, but yoga can be practiced with very simple postures. And about yoga being a sexy and hot thing to watch.. well I would say, start practicing it yourself.

I feel all these super thin women (mostly women) who do the most acrobatic things at beautiful places, might do yoga, but it is not the real thing for me. You can make it your sport, but that is not the primary purpose of yoga. Yoga for me is about quieting my mind and increasing focus, full focus on what my body does and feels, paying attention to every detail, and with that becoming a stronger person physically and mentally. There is bending of the body, but if I wanted, I can practice yoga in a very simple way. Who says not everyone can do that? And about the different types, yes they are there, but who cares about what type of yoga? Yoga for me is yoga, one or the other is not better. Really. So all, let's do some yoga?

This piece of text I found shows very well how to describe yoga: Yoga defines itself as a science--that is, as a practical, methodical, and systematic discipline or set of techniques that have the lofty goal of helping human beings to become aware of their deepest nature. The goal of seeking to experience this deepest potential is not part of a religious process, but an experiential science of self-study.

What makes or breaks a person – observations (part 1)

One might think, how can a young woman like her know anything about that? Thanks to my curiosity for learning and information, a hunger to explore and some luck I keep meeting interesting people with different backgrounds, in different situations, on different levels of their lives. Who trust to give me a part of their stories. These stories are part of making me grow professionally and personally. Because I learn a lot from only observing.

What makes or breaks a person? Making or breaking a person can be interpreted in different ways, to make it simple an external and internal part. And I cannot say all about it. When I meet people of whom I think “that person has really made it!”, either in personal life or in professional life, and I tell them that, sometimes they agree and often they reveal a part why they still not have made it.One important aspect I observed is surrendering and not having all control. People who know how to surrender (bits), either to their feelings, or to a business partner or their thoughts or any other thing, were in the end more in control, without knowing it.

And while a lot of people think, if I have enough money, I will make it. That is partly true. I’m not saying don’t make money, don’t become rich. It is often if the money is used to full inner satisfaction of that person and when there is no big emotional attachment to that money, that I heard people were happy. It is the way you “play” or “deal” with your richness or being poor that gave them more opportunities, money wise or personal.

Lot of articles mention: give attention to your relationships. I hear and observe relationships are important, but can also be like waves of the sea, coming and going, sometimes strong, sometimes weak. Some people who make it can easily be broken, neglecting the relationship with themselves: so much involved in pleasing friends and partners and important dinners and parties and showing they are an important person, that they did not pay attention to how important they have to be for themselves. I must say, I have not met a person personally yet who told me they had a better relationship with themselves first and then with others. I heard and read about such people and are said to be internally happy and externally happy. And in the end, lot of friends who you consider close might rather see you fall than rise. They might not say it or show it, perhaps I can see that as human nature. And this keeps coming back in the talks I had with different people big and small.

That is it for now. Already written much, bits of my observations. Some might say: I knew this already! Or this is obvious! Often the most obvious has to be said again, seeing it from different angles J. As I find this an interesting topic, who knows, a part 2 might follow.

The little girl with funny curls

I am no heroine in writing poems, but this morning something popped up, typed it down, felt like sharing.

The little girl with funny curls:
One curl and another curl
circling round and round
At night, still warm and damp
the curls try to survive
In early morning vaguely there
the curls are there long and spiraling
it is too heavy way too heavy
Why not rather be a wave?
But the decision to get things straight
was decided by the comb
The waves removed, the last curls are gone
Long, dark and straight it falls
But just like the girl who carries it
it still will lead its own life
introducing once in a while a curl or wave
reviving when it is time to get neat and clean
reminding the woman of the once
little curl with funny curls; no weight and jumpy.
Just like her father's curls.
Somewhere she will always be
that little girl with funny curls.
Perfectly hidden behind the straight mane grin-emotic

The blind and the elephant - a teaching for now and the future

Today I received two nice teachings and I would like to share these.

1. To get the answer to a problem or question is never easy, but the answer is always simple.

This is nice because what do easy and simple actually mean.
Easy is that something does not need effort, or is not difficult. So finding a answer takes effort.
Simple means not complicated. Not difficult to understand. So an answer is simple or even getting there is simple.

Combining the two, to get the answer to a problem or question takes effort, can be difficult, but it does not have to be complicated.

And if found it nice to look at a problem from this point of view.

2. The story of the blind and the elephant is a nice story to share and reminded me again that there are several ways to reach a goal, to not give up and if we not have reached our goals yet and are still on the journey then we should not worry.

What I saw in it as a teaching: we all know a part of the truth, but to know the full truth is a much bigger task and can be a life long journey. Also, to put it more simple, there are several ways to look at things and there is never one way that is right or wrong :).

I have copied this from somewhere else actually, so the full story is rightly put:

A long time ago in the valley of the Brahmaputra River in India there lived six men who were much inclined to boast of their wit and lore.  Though they were no longer young and had all been blind since birth, they would compete with each other to see who could tell the tallest story.
One day, however, they fell to arguing.  The object of their dispute was the elephant.  Now, since each was blind, none had ever seen that mighty beast of whom so many tales are told.  So, to satisfy their minds and settle the dispute, they decided to go and seek out an elephant.
Having hired a young guide, Dookiram by name, they set out early one morning in single file along the forest track, each placing his hands on the back of the man in front.  It was not long before they came to a forest clearing where a huge bull elephant, quite tame, was standing contemplating his menu for the day.
The six blind men became quite excited; at last they would satisfy their minds.  Thus it was that the men took turns to investigate the elephant's shape and form.
As all six men were blind, neither of them could see the whole elephant and approached the elephant from different directions.  After encountering the elephant, each man proclaimed in turn:
'O my brothers,' the first man at once cried out, 'it is as sure as I am wise that this elephant is like a great mud wall baked hard in the sun.'
'Now, my brothers,' the second man exclaimed with a cry of dawning recognition, 'I can tell you what shape this elephant is - he is exactly like a spear.'
The others smiled in disbelief.
'Why, dear brothers, do you not see,' said the third man -- 'this elephant is very much like a rope,' he shouted.
'Ha, I thought as much,' the fourth man declared excitedly, 'This elephant much resembles a serpent.'
The others snorted their contempt.
'Good gracious, brothers,' the fifth man called out, 'even a blind man can see what shape the elephant resembles most.  Why he's mightily like a fan.'
At last, it was the turn of the sixth old fellow and he proclaimed,
'This sturdy pillar, brothers' mine, feels exactly like the trunk of a great areca palm tree.'
Of course, no one believed him.
Their curiosity satisfied, they all linked hands and followed the guide, Dookiram, back to the village.  Once there, seated beneath a waving palm, the six blind men began disputing loud and long.  Each now had his own opinion, firmly based on his own experience, of what an elephant is really like.  For after all, each had felt the elephant for himself and knew that he was right!
And so indeed he was.  For depending on how the elephant is seen, each blind man was partly right, though all were in the wrong.

My Heroes – Day 4 without Facebook

I have left Facebook for a while, as if that was not obvious enough. And I was thinking about my heroes. There have been people in the past who said: “Who cannot like you? You’re such a kind personality!” . Either they were naïve or just being too kind. There are always people in the world who do not like you. And believe me there are a bunch of people who do not like me. I am a bit different, but apart from that a range of words always pass that describe me as someone not very nice.

Does it matter? Not much, because I believe that whatever steps I took and take have always been from good intentions and good purposes. And as life is a big transition, people will come and go, like waves of the sea.

What does this have to do with heroes? My heroes are sometimes people with a big name, who have done great things. These people in the limelight are also always pictured in different ways, nice and not nice. My heroes are also people who are not big names, but big at heart and do great things and yet also these people some find nice and some not nice.

I always admire those the people who are not big names most, because they do such great things and nobody knows about it. And most of the time nobody has to know, because it is the intention with which the great things have been done.

Would it be different if such a person becomes a big name? It might not be, but it can be. Sometimes these people can become part of big mask wearing groups, who put up some show, and not focusing anymore on what really matters. The risk of running after fame can become a threat? I don’t know, I have never been in such a position, but from what I observe, it somehow does not feel as genuine as it should when a name becomes big. Perhaps that is a judgement and it will come from good intentions, but what other influences play a role, nobody knows.

So is it bad to do something good or great things and make it big for the public? I have thought a lot about it. In the end, I believe, if it is something that truly contributes to a better world, then I would not mind. But if the personal gain would be bigger than the actual contribution, then what would be the use?

Some people I believe I use the TEDx Award title only for personal gain. It is a different example, but it relates to the topic of heroes. I use the Award, but that is not my ultimate goal to use it for whatever personal gain. And what is an Award? It is nice, but I always hope that people will actually watch that Talk I won this Award with and understand the deeper meaning of a Talk I presented in a light hearted way for everybody in this world to understand.

The Award and many other things I do, give me a personal gain, but that is not the ultimate goal, look beyond it when I get praised on a stage or in a radio interview or in a news paper or wherever I am praised.

Look beyond it and perhaps find out who I really am and what I want to do and why I do the things I do and what goals I wish to reach with those.

Perhaps that is also a reason that I left Facebook for a while. With a more open mind approach the world and not see how people want to picture themselves and show myself also as some picture. Do great things more anonymously and after a long time feel that joy alone and with a few people I care a lot about. And that is really enough for the moment.

It will be a different experience and at some point I will share again with the world, who will judge me again, part of life, but then I will have regained the feeling again of how real a real world can be after a long Facebook period. And I was an intensive Facebook user. A beloved sharing platform.

So I will look at my heroes and take the next steps, the journey stays interesting :).

Day 3 without Facebook

Yes, what to think? I am wondering what I am missing on Facebook. Would there be any important information that I am not reading at this moment? Will I get isolated from the world? I know more people who do not have Facebook, so there will be no isolation from the world.

The people I know who don’t have Facebook lead great lives and get their information from other sources. Another thought that came up: will I lose friends now? When I had Facebook, I already lost friends, because I am quite a career focused person, I unfortunately, even with Facebook, did not always manage to keep in touch with all my friends. But the question arises, were all these people in my friends list really all friends?

There are people on Facebook who like to collect people and create a big group of followers, but call them friends. There are people on Facebook who connect with several people just to keep checking their profiles to see what they are doing and if they do something that is new or cool, then this person must absolutely also do this. There are people on Facebook who act like their a totally different person than I met in real life and this contrast made me always realize again that Facebook is a virtual, yes fake, created place. Many types of people with all their own purpose of using Facebook.

A professor I spoke last year said: “Facebook is a place where people hide from their true selves. They run away from reality. Become strong in the real world, instead of in your virtual world.”

I am sure quite some people, now I am away from Facebook, will forget me. And I wonder if that is such a bad thing. After all in life there are always transitions from one into the other, where I might lose people, I must gain them somewhere too, right?

“Will someone miss me?” “Will someone think of me?” Would that perhaps be something people are afraid of when thinking of leaving Facebook for a while. Honestly the moment I clicked on deactivate, I did think: “So, will someone miss me now?”

I guess this leaves room for creativity to let people know I am there too! Either as Nupur, or anonymous.

Day 2 without Facebook

It feels more at peace to not look at Facebook. I even turned my phone off, for more peace. I have been more productive already in one day! 

However, one goes searching for other ways to connect with people. And that was the first purpose of Facebook, isn’t it? So if I will keep myself busy with finding other platforms and other ways of continuously keeping in touch with people, does it make sense to stop with Facebook? 

For now, I am not desperately looking for contact, it is not necessary, because there are great people around me and if I want to contact people I will do that. 

A friend said: Facebook is a form of relating to the world, expressing ideas and learning from others. It is about having control over yourself and not denying yourself. It gets me thinking and I find all opinions very interesting! What is right and what is wrong?

Day 1 without Facebook

I already miss my beloved social media platform that kept me in touch with.. people. What people? Friends. They are friends, right? Or contacts? Or connections? But yes, I miss Facebook already.  The brainless time pass of scrolling the news feed up and down, satisfying my curiosity. Having a peak into people’s lives, virtual lives. Are they really all so happy? Or really all so sad? Are they really so popular? Or are they really so strange, outgoing, shy, beautiful, tall, short, skinny, intelligent, dumb ;), kind, rude? Was Facebook perhaps a perfect mask for me also? 

Now I don’t happily share my happy stuff. My account has been deactivated :D. I never thought I would really do it, but yeah, curiosity can take a silly woman to strange places. A woman who will never admit how curious she actually is and does her best to keep it within borders.

I could easily stay a day without Facebook, but can I stay for more days without Facebook? Have I turned into an addict after all these years? The good thing is, I can now keep my happy stuff all for myself and share it with people who are actually around me. And the sad stuff was already never shared, because I considered Facebook to be a happy stuff sharing place, so the sad stuff stays where it has always been.

So let me see what my Facebook-less days will do for me. I already started doing some other things, in the time I would spend on Facebook and they have nothing to do with social media :).